Hold up, things are about to get messy. We’re often spilling tea and missing deadlines over which festival booked it better, which model wore it cooler, and whether a man’s not hot (or not), yet today, those of us at BG Towers with heavier-inclined tastes, have been fighting tooth and nail over Metal Hammer’s torturous book-a-gig challenge.

There’s five tiers consisting of five bands each, the tiers ranging from £10-£50. You’ve got £100 to book a gig, so what do you book? The combinations are borderline ridiculous, and have caused much debate over which pick would truly be the ultimate gig for us heavy metal loving lot at BG.

So, to avoid tweeting mean things at each other, we’ve compiled our gigs together in this handy blog – so that you’ll take over the fighting for us.

Before we get into things, here’s the challenge board:

First off, let’s see what our Editor has to say about this:

Headline: Gojira (£30)

Special Guests: Behemoth (£20)

Support: Converge (£20) + Employed To Serve (£10)

Credit: Sam Lees

Total Cost = £80

Gojira’s only appearance comes as the headliner of our cheapest tour, as well as the one coming in at as the least mainstream. Gojira’s impending headline appearance at the almighty Bloodstock Festival makes them a surefire choice, their technical death metal wizardry worthy of entry alone. How four men make a sound as loud as they do is a question forever without an answer. Our editor has opted for a special guest spot from one-time Bloodstock headliners and blackened death metal luminaries Behemoth, who have recently been in the studio recording the follow-up to the genre-conquering, career-defining masterpiece that was The Satanist. Support comes in the shape of yet another band akin to tonight’s headliner, Converge, who simply possess the magical ability to hammer holes into the cavity of your skull in the most beautiful of ways. Finally, Employed To Serve open up with their insidious breed of nasty hardcore.

Chosen by Jack Press (Editor-in-Chief) 

Headline: Lamb of God (£40)

Support: Baby Metal  (£40)+ Behemoth (£20)

Total Cost = £100

Pulling out the big names and the big guns for the big budget tour, Lamb Of God secure their only appearance on ours tours as the headliner. They’ve been quiet of late, but a greatest hits set filled with Ghost Walking, Redneck, Walk With Me In Hell, Now You’ve Got Something To Die For, Black Label, and so on, would be one hell of a set. Who doesn’t like being screamed at by Randy Blythe, anyways? In what is one of the weirder choices, Japan’s cliche-brimmed trio of cuties, Baby Metal, come in as main support. Whilst Baby Metal have taken over from Bring Me The Horizon as Metal’s alternative to Marmite, you’ve got to appreciate that they put on one hell of a show, have choruses you don’t understand yet will be singing for days on end afterwards, and have actually headlined Wembley Arena. Madness. Opening up will be Behemoth, for their second appearance on our tours. Their blackened death metal will draw in punters, who will likely make a swift exit afterwards. Who cares? It’s metal. \m/

Chosen by Steffen Haworth

Headline: Metallica (£50)

Support: Architects (£30) + Code Orange (£10)

Total Cost = £90

If Hassan booked arena tours, he’d be earning himself a promotion with this one. By far the most realistic of our dream tours, Hassan has booked the thrash-metal legends and overlords of the metal live realm, Metallica, for another dose of their hardwired in-the-round chaos. Their latest album Hardwired, and it’s A+ tour have left them bigger than ever, and with them missing from festival bills (so far), a trip across the pond would be welcomed so soon after their last. Main support comes in the shape of Britain’s latest institution: Architects. With an Ally Pally headline set coming up this year, and a new album in the wake of a very personal and close death, Architects are poised to take the step they’ve been ready for, for quite some time. Throw in the absolute madness of Code Orange as an opener, and you’ve got a mosh pit-inducing mix of volatile metal. It’s so tempting our Hassan reckons he’d sell a kidney to see it.

Chosen by Hassan Ul-haq 

Headline: Avenged Sevenfold (£50)

Support: Architects (£30) + Code Orange (£10) + Power Trip (£10)

Total Cost = £100

Sometimes you’ve gotta throw all the money in the pot and book a tour that’d be talked about forever. Throwing in mainstream names and underground upstarts, Charlie’s played smart with his pennies on this one. Avenged Sevenfold have been smashing arenas and major festivals for quite some time now, and whether this set is heavy on their progressive-tinged concept album The Stage, an anniversary ode to their breakthrough self-titled record, or even just a pure greatest hits set, it’ll be worth the price of entry to see an establishment such as a7x whilst they’re still firing away in their prime. Architects come in as main support, again, their post-hardcore-meets-metalcore dancing well with Avenged Sevenfold’s ever-changing sound. Code Orange, again, compliment Architects. It’s a tour designed for head-banging, moshing, and losing your voice. Opening up are Thrash revivalists Power Trip, you kick you in the teeth, and then some, with their aural assault of the senses.

Chosen by Charlie Mason

Now we’ve got our tours out the way, what are your picks? Let us know in the comments below!

 

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